funny

Date Night at Perch

/ Vishu Mishra / Leave a comment

 

The Storyteller : Delhi Date Diaries

 | Title : Date Night at Perch |

|Written By : Krayon  (Alias), #1  | Date Dairy : Khan Market,Delhi |

| Delhi Date Diary : Story #1 |

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Statutory Warning :  Only for above 18 individuals, the demand of the genre invokes explicit content, sensually charged language and mildly erotic content  (though nothing graphic is advisable and shall be  most earnestly edited to retain the quality with no excessiveness). Visitor’s discretion is advisable on  – reading, sharing and recommendations. Proceed in agreement and comprehensive understanding of the same. 

Regards,

Statutory warning : Delhi Date Diaries

Statutory warning : Delhi Date Diaries

VM

Blog Author & Admin

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(Begin)

It was a warm Saturday evening, just after the sun had simmered down giving way to the bluish silver twilight. I had out on my best fitting shirt – it was  light blue with  dark blue polka dots and fit my shoulders  really well, making me look broad at the top and a little more leaner than I actually am. Pairing it with khaki pants and my blue Stan Smiths- a pair I have fondly been wearing, almost everywhere since the last 3 years. I put on a strong musky fragrance – it was Pi by Givenchy. It had a very sensual feel to it so much so that it even burnt my skin a bit.

I informed at home that I was going out to meet some friends and I would be dining out – factually correct! except for the fact that I was actually heading out to meet a lady – someone who I had just interacted with on aisle (a dating app).

I stepped into my car and drove as fast as I could to reach her apartment. I fumbled with the map to figure out where she stayed, but at last I reached there. It was a busy place buzzing with people moving about – some returning from their evening walks and others just buying everyday groceries. The place had a very unwelcoming vibe to it, but what the hell! I was looking forward to a date.

My heart was racing, I had brushed my hair like ten times already, and finally I called her after having texted her a few minutes back. She sounded very feminine, had a certain playfulness and warmth in her voice. We made small chat as to where I was parked and how we would go about the evening.I decided on going by cab, as drinking and driving with a total stranger was too risky for our own good!  She took a great deal of time in finally coming out; meanwhile she had called me once to let me in on a safe spot to park ( ( ‘that’s cute’,  I thought). She called me to a side where our cab was waiting and finally I saw her for the first time. My heart skipped a beat and my prose started turning to poetry in those moments. ‘ Gosh! it was worth the wait ‘, I said to myself.

She was wearing a smart black skirt , the length of her knees (not too risque`, but engaging enough to keep me on toes and the glint in my eyes stayed alive.) .It had a red flowery pattern. She had paired this with a slit-sleeve black top and a set of black ,open-toe high heels.  She had painted her lips to the brighter shade of cherry,  sensually contrasted by the dark thick kohl in her eyes and wore her hair open for the sport of it. (they were extremely curly, I liked!). All in all, She was quite fair in appearance , looked gorgeous in any split second glimpse and was wearing a golden nose ring. (So feminine I thought!)  We exchanged glances and smiled at each other, we even shook hands (I think so). Boy did she smell nice! The fragrance she wore reminded me of a rather eventful night at Thailand ,where my college friends and I blew out wads of money on Russian strippers.

I wanted to open the door for her in the cab, but she was quite straight and went in from the other side ( There goes  to drain, the two day rehearsal on the niceties, LOL! 😛 . No No! I am kidding, … or am I? 😀 ) . We finally sat, sinked into back seat. It was a little cramped (thankfully) ,our legs almost touched each others’.  We struggled with the directions to head out to the main highway, turned out she wasn’t well versed with the roads as she didn’t drive and relied mostly on public conveyance. Finally after leading our cabbie to the right route, we broke into our conversation.

Initially it was about me, I answered all her questions – education, work, I covered it all (Like a fresh graduate, LoL! ). Finally I did some probing, found out she’s an Air Force kid, an MBA herself, someone who had sacrificed her education and career for her family more than once. I instantly liked her! (I and liking girls was nothing new, there was a time I could like a girl just crossing the road, but I have aged a bit over the years. Liking women doesn’t come that easy, moreover I don’t see that many women in my life anyways, such are  my stupid boy like troubles) In the midst of this, the cabbie threw in his business idea (Like Mr. great timing, pun intended !) and made some awkward one sided conversation. After trying to be polite, I had to cut him off and started again,climb ing back in my conversations with the pretty lady.

As we reached our destination, I asked the cabbie to stop around the corner at Khan Market. As I opened my wallet and asked the cabbie how much we owed him, she promptly threw in a crisp 500 Rs Bill at him, not giving me a chance to even share the fare. (A lady who insists on paying? – perhaps I have been reading too many memes on 9gag and Instagram).

We stepped out and walked a bit towards Perch. I had never been there (let alone with a lady) , so I propped out my phone and looked the place up on maps. It was barely 150 m away, I led her on and we finally entered the place. Typical staircase entry with yellow ambient lighting and Air conditioning on full blast!

Being the gentleman that I am thought to be, I let her in first. I followed her as she climbed up.   (Great view I thought! And then instantly felt ashamed for having such stupid thoughts) I looked away (What?! … yeah happens to the best of us man!). The first floor had a few tables, families, women with sharp noses and white hair made up most of the crowd. I asked them if they had seating on the upper floor (Which place in Khan Market doesn’t?) and they did (big surprise). Climbed up again (didn’t even glance at the *ahem view). The second floor had boys and girls ogling each other, (and the boys ogling every other lady in the room, like routine stuff). We got a corner seat uncomfortably close to another couple on our side, but they minded their own business as I did mine.

The waiter brought in the menu cards, the wine and coffee line up is to die for (said someone on Zomato). Well ,I wanted wine , I asked her what she wanted and she tossed in a story on how she had come last time with some ‘friends’ and had ordered some wine ( So interesting…yawn,yawn). She was more of a red wine person (In this freaking summer?!) and so a bottle of imported red wine it was.  We ordered some finger food to go with.

Our conversation was like water flowing in a spring. Pure, continuous and rich in content. We had hit it off just like that. Her sparkly eyes, her red lips, even skin tone, that nose ring and those dark curly hair enticed me just like everything too colorful and beautiful in nature does to attract prey.  And boy I was enticed alright.

A few glasses and fun conversation later, our bottle ran dry. We called in for a pitcher of their Sangria (Let it rain). The couple on our side made way for another, a slim lady with a burly man with a thick stubble stepped in. They had little to talk and looked here and there. They eavesdropped on us shamelessly and even looked at us a couple of times ( I couldn’t care less, I was engrossed with my date). We made jokes on the couple right next to us, we even discussed our fantasies and fetishes. While all this was going on, I touched her nose ring and held her hand.

We sat on the table holding hands. (How romantic …. and socially inappropriate). Finally our bladders spoke too (together in sync like literally). We walked to the washroom, I held her hand. They were occupied (As usual), I slid my hand around her waist as we waited for it to get vacant (We found love in a hopeless place, remember Rihanna?).  While latching the loo, I cut my finger at the latch, it was just too sharp. After peeing to my heart’s content, I washed my bloody hands and checked myself in the mirror (I looked a little pink but my hairline was still thin …. The alcohol was not working that well today… but I felt grossly content and confident).

I made my way back to the table and sucked in the remaining bit of sangria from my glass, pouring myself another before she came back (Women need longer…. They touch up their makeup, call friends, and get out their pepper spray?).

Finally she came back; we reached the bottom of that pitcher quite fast and called for the cheque. It was past midnight! And man was I buzzed!!

We fumbled our way down the 2 stories of stairs. Walked around the isolated market (What a buzz kill). I had my hand around her waist the whole time we walked (fumbled) around the market. Her waist felt soft and warm, it was one the nicest things I had held in a while. We had a warm congenial walk in the market (drunk men, drivers, shopkeepers, etc. staring at us) finally we hailed a cab.

The drive was quick; we discussed how fun the evening was (I think), and finally we got out near her house. She tactfully told me stay away from the main gate as the watchman had a roving eye (I was to find out why in the coming weeks). We bid each other a brief goodbye, no hugs, no kisses …. Just sparkly eyes (little bloodshot too) looking at each other. Man I wanted to kiss her so bad! How nice it would be kiss her and feel her lush red lips against mine! I wanted to swerve her to a side and plant a wet deep kiss to her (forgetting about the alcohol and garlic breath).

But it was not meant to be. I saw her off, she walked clumsily through the main gate and then on to her house (wherever it was).

I got in to my car and drove past the gate … leaving some dry leaves flying in a swirl.

With my hands cold, heart warm and head dizzy I reached home. I peeled out my shirt and pants, got in to my red polka dotted boxers and hit the bed. But sleep was not to come by so easy. I thought about how splendid the evening was and how we spent close to six freaking hours together! (I can’t usually stand people that long). Finally sleep hit me; I had  vivid wine fueled dreams and an unfading smile, running with some mild dehydration through me.

(end)

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Bloggers’ commentary  : The memoir by Krayon (alias, as provide) is a class A narrative. The description of his date  is poetic and his own self-bantering sparkles the humor like cherry on top of a cake. It may inspire many alike to wish for such classy dates in and around Delhi, and maybe pen it down for everybody’s vicarious experiences at-least.

How to write and submit : Send in your ready to publish draft – To : theoutofbusiness@gmail.com ,  CC : vishumishraa@gmail.com.

The write up should not be any more than 1500 words ( exceptions only in rare cases or if the quality and content demands it). Usually, a concise piece can be easily penned down within 1000-1200 words. There is a leeway of 300 words which shall only be used if needed. The only criteria of selection is that the piece should have reading value, devoid of any crass/too explicit narrative and needless to say, class A writing skills.

 

Regards,

VM

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Comedy nights w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶k̶a̶p̶i̶l̶ live : A comedy of ‘egregious’ errors.

/ Vishu Mishra / 1 Comment

 

comedy nights with kapil a.k.a. cnwk

comedy nights with kapil a.k.a. cnwk

‘Comedy nights’ show has gone to dogs. Period.

This post is all about  the angst against the duffed up entertainment with the change of hosts.

 

comedy nights live

comedy nights live

“If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.”
― William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors

Yes! I have invoked Shakespeare to deal with this burden of viewer agony. I have borrowed this plainly without reading the eternal script  and it doesn’t take a genius to understand its (the quote) meaning. That is the whole duffing point. In times of such high needs (in India & around) for good humor, even normality or un-originality  can serve much better than profanity.

Egregious Errors–

  1. Bad adaptation : –

1a) Background on hosts – There are three visible stars, as seen within the ongoing timeline of the show i.e. Krishna, Bharti & Sudesh Lehri.

 

Bharti & Krishna

Bharti & Krishna

Krishna is a dancer wannabe superstar and a half-committed comedian. He seems confused between his propensity for stardom & his sustenance as a comedian, that is just a stock act to propagate his career & chase his fonder dreams. He is erring like a broken record with endless & untimely tributes to Govinda as a show filler. His real personality as an interviewer is amorphous & confusing at best.

e.g.  He referred to the glasses of Mika as an attempt to look smart without having an onstage presence, that the honorable guest i.e. Dharmendra was also wearing one! It was ironical at best, as the segue was just about finishing with comments by Dharmendra, i.e. his mantra for youthfulness at the age of 80. It was dealt away with a smile & a comic response from the maestro actor himself.

Krishna clearly came across too green on the show’s turf & lacks ability to co-ordinate interviews, also without having any grasp of outstanding improvisations such as kapils’. The genius of kapil is, he did all of this within the limits of comic license while also maintaining the decency of show & dignity of the guests.

Bharti is a loud-mouth pseudo  comic, she derives slapstick humor at expense of others & demands emotional support on being the only noticeable female comedian in the industry. Her humor is clearly insulting many a times (even to most dignified guests e.g.1), it is downright profane & falls hard on the audience at most times. The periodic laughter that the in house audience generates, is almost like a punishment of compulsory humility & a taken for granted largesse by all of us, the humor deprived people. All her acts are an uncomfortable reminder of our sorry situation with limited options on comedy shows.

e.g.1 – At  today’s show end she refereed to the star trio as – “ye log itne velle thodi hein ki yahin ruke rahein” ( these people are not so useless to stay here for you (people).

There was a momentary pause from the 80 year old maestro Indian actor (Dharmendra) to her comments & it felt harsh even by  the most un-orthodox hosting standards. There is a clear lack of comic class , improvising intelligence, sensitivity towards guests-audience dynamism & basic understanding of show’s concept. Personally i think, her on-screen presence is hell on my ears & makes the situation awkward within the purview of family viewing. It is simply an agony not entertainment. I am a viewer i.e. a customer to their TV show business &   i am expressing my ire over it.

I can only say that i am sorry (but not giving or granting) for all of them. If they have the audacity to resume hosting of the best comedy show without matching to its quality. They have opened a Pandora’s box of abject criticism & they must be ready for it. I feel they have robbed & mocked us on something, which had turned the part of our Sunday nights.

“If she lives till doomsday, she’ll burn a week longer than the whole world.”
― William Shakespeare, The Comedy of Errors

Sudesh Lehri is the only genuine stand up comedian in this rag sack. He is fully committed to being a comedian & it is reflective in his demeanor. However, he is not burdened with the center spot & his credit is usually painted over by these broad stroking limelight hogs. Just like any true comedian, there is this tragedy to his art form.

Sudesh Lehri

Sudesh Lehri

“A rose by any other word would smell as sweet” (what is there in a name?)  – William Shakespeare , Romeo & Juliet

1b) Falsely Adopting a prodigy : Comedy nights with Kapil is a groundbreaking show. It is a super-hit not only in India but internationally sweeping TRP’s across all major nationalities. The recognition of an Indian comedy show as this is unprecedented! It is simply an intellectual asset of the TV world & pride of our urban heritage.

The (above mentioned) three stooges have assumed the lordship of this screen-house without much intelligent thoughts to its audience & format. The demand of show is simply this:

  • Clean & crass free comedy.
  • Outstanding improvisation as an add on.
  • Suitability to family viewing i.e. suitable for all age groups.
  • Genuine public interaction & their extempore contribution on stage.
  •  Good hosting with dignified treatment to celebrity guests.
  • Insightful & fact based interviews advancing fan-star relationship.

However, the stooges are doing the usual mistake of running with roasting humor & the comedy of profanity. It is their staple & familiar comfort zone but it is a disgrace even a betrayal to show’s tradition. It is done at expense of guests & even falls too hard on the ear of the  organic audience.

2) Who is hosting the show ? : The hosting & interview is a split between the hogs i.e. Krishna & Bharti. It not only breaks the continuity of the show but also leaves the viewers in confusion. Conceptually, the show revolves around a celebrity interview & everything else is an add-on. Until the image of a center stage host is fixed (ringmaster), no act can be profoundly build around it. I cannot remember even one single successful TV interview show in past/present, with changing & unsettling hosts like this one. It gives an impression that the centrifugal drives are missing or too  unsorted in their stage script.

Further, the hosting part is generally taken as an organic interaction with the celebrities & the lesser known facts from their personal lives are brought to notice. It is only logic that the interviewer must hold up his end as a real person & his personalities or characters can pop in as cameo. Kapil did it by introducing other comic talents as secondary add ons. Here, Krishna & Bharti are in characters even while conducting their ‘less-interesting’ interviews. While on stage, their characters cannot be switched & often we see dolly speaking as krishna & bharti verbally switching with a he/she tone. It is simply too chaotic & doesn’t build up on the dialogue segment!

3) Interacting with people is missing : It is a people’s show and so what made kapil sharma a comedian of people or a champion of people’s voices. Neither Krishna nor bharti have the demeanor that is inviting to set up a genuine dialogue with common audience. Rather as an observation, their behavior is too aggressive & even intimidating that will inhibit any open & expressive interaction with audience.

No one from audience is willing to dance,hop, speak or act on the stage. Kapil has said it time & again that the impromptu acts by the in house people, is the major reason for show’s success.

By desperately trying to  compete & make a creative equivalence with kapil’s concepts. I think the stooges are killing the U.S.P. & making a bigger mistake in garb of chasing a different route.

4) The great mistake by Kapil Sharma : It is a great betrayal of people’s trust. With no active comic talent hunts in India & not many clean comedy shows. It is imperative that the show must go on with what was working. It is an earnest requirement of the TV world with an otherwise coma state in its dreary milieu. It is even a national duty to do so when the breakdown is so visible & imminent.

kapil sharma

kapil sharma

The show has generated loyalists with a major chunk from the family audience around the world. The unprecedented success & meteoric rise of Kapil Sharma has lead him on false grounds, now chasing lesser dreams. It started with a beautiful idea to entertain people & deviated towards a show pandering to the celebrity creme’ de la creme’, to now an untoward starry eyed chase of a comedian to turn a bolly-wood superstar.

He is chasing stardom as an actor-comedian, while the general public has universally accepted him as a comedian & a champion of common man’s voice.  He is already on the highest ground available to any artist in the world, i.e. a genuine comedian who reverberates the feelings of people. Time will only tell if Kapil Sharma will realize his forte & his ticket to immortality in a world full of – cliches, copycats & hogging performers.

 

 

Thank you for reading. If you like this post then share it with your buddies & spread the opinion, as i sincerely feel that public opinion is supreme. After all, we are at the receiving end of whatever comes out of this brew. It is full of commercial bias that is eating out our free loading entertainment. We must raise our opinions and do so vociferously.

p.s.

I hate it when someone take a plunder on my sources of entertainment & deprives me of the humor, in a life full sober reality.

 

The comedy of egregious errors

The comedy of egregious errors

Junkman's review : Comedy nights live

Junkman’s review : Comedy nights live

I give this new show 2 out 5. how high do you rate it, tell me in the comments.

 

Thanks & Regards.

Vishu Mishra

Blog Author

There are problems in my life, Because i don’t wake up at five.

/ Vishu Mishra / Leave a comment

There are problems in my life,
Because i don’t wake up at five.
All my good friends greet me early:
The sun, the birds,the dogs,& ‘milkha’ the milkman.
While I prefer to slouch low, I coveting a cozy cloth.
I try to curl inwards, I squinch like a scared-sloth.

There are problems in my life,
Because i don’t wake up at five.
All the good things happened, but yesterday.
why to wake up again & lose them today?
why to revive a conscience from a nausea?
why to choose reality above nostalgia?

There are problems in my life,
because i don’t wake up at five.
i doused myself in gallons of grog.
i devoured on meat like a savaging rogue.
I danced on music till its overmorrow.
I howled like a wolf redeeming the sorrow.

Wake up late

Waking up late..oops! & snooze!

 

There are problems in my life,
because i don’t wake up at five.
All the klocks & karma, just keep ticking away.
& i couldn’t take so much, losing just everyday.
So i slept some-more, wishing a fresh stay.
I dream-borne a place, made of sun & hay.

There are problems in my life,
because i don’t wake up at five.
All the solutions never work much late.
all the advisers never meet belate(d).
No one’s there, when i wake-up half past day.
Neither angels of rescue nor mighty-might i pray.

There are problems in my life,
Because i don’t wake up at five.
i will try to do so tomorrow & run a million-mile.
i haven’t seen an awakening day, for more than some-while.
All is not lost but today,I woke up again later than late.
All is to be won tomorrow, i must not mourn further today.

~waking up early solves most problems of the day.

*Overmorrow – ({obsolete word,using for three purposes-} Meaning – Day after tomorrow. Purpose– . 1. Adds  to Rhyme 2.To add implausibility, to weaken the argument of not waking up early 3. ‘Dance till there’s no tomorrow’, is an overused phrase & a cliche.Further i feel, there’s no poetic bliss in that just sophistry, a hackneyed hipster idea & phraseology).

God’s Love

/ Vishu Mishra / Leave a comment

Not those still lean or beginning to shrunk.
Battling their sins or sweating in sun.
Dreary in love, or un-ending tasks.
Bestowed upon them, since dawn embarks.
A reloading roster that keeps them on.
Depriving the creams & comforts they spawn.

But revels in roses, consuming their wine.
Smiles each day more & grows just fine.
Stays top en-listed, in golden pods.
Sleeps happier than ever, in coziest abode.
what offered them, so far & rest,
he offered and wills to, only the best.

Neither writes nor reads,to burden their head.
Neither solves the problems of genius instead.
Lives each day more to live it just more.
Not to progress somewhere or proceed in any meaning.
It’s not the former, who now stand en-raged.
But god loves those who swell with age.

God's Love

God’s Love